From the article: Stress from Caring for Someone with PTSD
Coping with a family member's PTSD can be difficult. It is well-known that PTSD can have a tremendous impact on the life of the person with the diagnosis. However, less attention is often given to how impacts family and friends. How have you coped with a loved one's PTSD? What healthy strategies have you used that have been effective? Share your thoughts and experiences with other readers below. Share Your Experience
Just recently Diagnosed
- I was recently diagnoised with PTSD. It is very scary to read some of these things and think that there is no hope. My partner and I were together for 2 years and were engaged with some beautiful plans for the future, but my PTSD pushed her away. We are separated now for her to have some time and space and for me to work on myself. I feel like I need her there to help me through, but she needs to be away and does not understand. I snap at her when she does things I don't like or opens up to me and shares her feelings, which are usually hurt because of me. I get defensive and say things to make her look like and feel like the bad guy. I have been crying myself to sleep every night now knowing that I have been doing this to the most wonderful woman in the world and cannot lose her. I feel worthless and helpless without her by my side right now. But I have been getting much help and am working through a lot of things. I pray that she stays and that it's not too late - Scared
- —Guest Nicholas
PTSD and DV
- I'm reading the posts here because I've recently been diagnosed with PTSD as a result of Domestic Violence I experienced, first as a third party, watching my parents, and then as a direct victim. I started studying domestic violence and read a good book "Why Does He Do That" by Lundy Bancroft. It explained very well how although a mental illness may be present, a lot of the name calling, unpredictable upset, actual violence, and walking on eggshells is actually part of the domestic violence experience that only Batterer's intervention programs (not anger management) will help. The person needs both. I am also a member of the military. Having a experienced the broad range of events mentioned here I have to say that there is no excuse for a person to put their hands on or intimidate another person. When this was happening to me, the answer was for me to get help as a Domestic Violence victim, now a survivor. No matter the batterers circumstances his actions are wrong. Help yoursel
- —Guest FlaSurvivor
Stay or go?
- I have had a troubled relationship with my hubby. Great times too but the bad out weighed the good. The physical violence was the reason I had enough. He left & then explained his behaviour with a diagnosis of PTSD. The psychologists suggested he needed a stable place to live (he was living in our camper), so I let him sleep on the sofa. It's nearly 20 months on and he is still there. He is getting treatment & the Jeckyll & Hyde thing is better, I look after his finances to a point and I do love him but struggle to trust him. I'm not in love with him anymore. I have this sense of duty that I should look after him (he's a vet) but I and my 2 children deserve a happy life. In response to guest M in Ohio above, all this quite scars me too. I don't want to be in this situation when I'm 50. I'm constantly finding unpaid car parking fines. Court summons etc... Is there treatment that works? I was moving on and now with the diagnosis I feel guilty. Diagnosis is not an excuse. I'm trying to understand.
- —Guest Patti
Help me cope
- I am in a roller coaster relationship with a man who has PTSD. He is going to therapy and I have seen a few changes but he gets upset with me over nothing then will not speak to me for days. One day he's telling me how much he loves me and wants me in his life the next hes not talking to me. I'm trying to give him his space but at the same time I love him and its hard to go for days on end and not even talk to him.
- —Guest Sparkles04
It is a roller coaster ride
- I feel for all of you who are coping with a spouse/partner diagnosed with PTSD. My relationship has been off and on for the last 20 some odd years. The PTSD is a result of working in law enforcement. I never really knew what affect this work had on him until many years later (4 separations). When he finally sought help and was diagnosed, thank goodness he had left the career; however, he will always be haunted by the things he had to see and work with on a daily basis. The ups and downs, anger, abuse sometimes makes me crazy, but I keep reading and researching to try to find some kind of peace in my own life. I have clinical depression and anxiety stemming from childhood as well as being in this relationship. We love each other deeply and continue to struggle and will probably always struggle. I don't want to give up. I have to learn to not take the outbursts or the shutdowns personally. We have committed to working through this with God at the center of our relationship.
- —frustratedbutdedicated
My loved one with PTSD
- Hello. I am 18 and my husband is 21 and is in the military. He went to Afghanistan for 1 year, came back, and got diagnosed with PTSD. We have so many problems. Our marriage has gone down hill no matter how much I try. I feel like I have to walk on egg shells, and when I try to talk about our problems, he blows up. He says hurtful things. He becomes emotionally abusive and verbal. I am begging to know how can I save my marriage with him. I stood next to him through everything. How do I cope with it?
- —Guest Dontknow
Mina
- This is very hard to talk about, my son is a Vet and did four tours in Iraq I have read some of these stories and was shocked, you can say your son has PTSD but when you see it in black and white, it hits home. The anger is always there, me and my son were close now he will hardly see me and when he does he says the meanest things to me and to his wife. Don't know what to do anymore!! Trying so hard to do the right thing, walking on eggs shells all the time. Please Help.
- —Guest Mina
Coping with my son
- My son served as an MP at Bagram AFB from 2009-2010. He is married and lives 350 miles away from us. He is inpatient and irritable when I talk to him. I don't know to handle it. I think he doesn't like me. His wife tells me he doesn't want to do anything with her. That he withdrawn. He suffered from PTSB when he came back and still is. Of course his attitude was different before he left. Please help me.
- —Guest Lorraine
combat veteran with severe chronic PTSD
- I am a combat veteran and I have severe chronic PTSD. I lived in denial for years and my motto was"act normal u will feel normal." I have two daughters and a wife, and my family was a happy family when I was hiding my pain. Unfortunately, when I decided to share my secret with my family, things got worse. They are supporting me but my invisible wound make me a different person (alcohol/drugs). Biggest advice: don't let your loved one use PTSD as an excuse to use drugs or drink. Get into a healthy lifestyle and it will reduce the symptoms (running, eat greens, no alcohol no matter what). I will post more info later.
- —laila2009
Know How It Feels
- I am also dealing with a man who has PTSD. I have dealt with this for 41 yrs.I had to have surgery. I have had quite a ordeal with what I went though. Besides dealing with his issues, I also receive no affection. After years of this treatment you wonder what you are doing wrong.I am just sick of feeling like housekeeper and cook.As long as I don't say anything I am fine. I wanted some one to come help me with my housework I couldn't do after surgery and he blow up.I have a lady come in 1 hr. a week to vacuuming I can't do. I feel I deserve that hour of help.He has never done any housework believes that is a woman's job! He also is absorbed in TV.Watches westerns all day.Won't go to church. I have went 38 yrs. alone.Maybe went 5 times to see kids plays after they begged. Kids grown.Grandkids almost grown. We only travel if it is some where he wants to go. Doesn't seem to matter what I want out of last few yrs. of life. He is 65. I am 57.Life is too short to spend it like this. Any Advice?
- —Guest M In Ohio
Anyone can beat PTSD
- I've been through lots of trauma's and I am beating the symptoms of PTSD. The best advice I can give anyone who suffers it, to 1. Don't touch drugs of any form, or Alcohol. 2. Keep active, find a hobby that's fun. 3. Tell yourself they are only in your thoughts and it's not happening today. 4. Hang on to those who love you and are supporting you. Don't abuse those who are helping you, remember their not the one's who've hurt you. 5. The biggest thing of my survival is understanding the Panic, anxiety, question my feelings, and when I identify the reasons that's causing the symptoms, I reassure myself it's okay they can't hurt me anymore. 6. Believe in who you are. 7. Stay away from manipulating people, abusers, mix with good people who understand what it feels like for you. 8. Look at yourself, and say I'm Over it and I'm going to live my life to the fullest, and say all the time to yourself I'm Well and I'm Happy. Yes it can be beaten, I do it everyday on no medications. Hugs to all.
- —Guest Michele63
They're not doomed
- To read previous messages is quite scaring! A lot of people tend to say that persons with PTSD are... doomed!! Is it just because cases where it goes well don't come here to write about it? I'm 26 and on the go to get married with a girl diagnosed with PTSD and there is always that feeling of a Sword of Damocles over my head but I have faith in her! The roller-coaster ride is getting... less frequent, at least, and we're working on that. I can't believe there's no hope of recovery for people suffering of PTSD!
- —Guest Jeff85
Sling-shotting
- Hi, I have realised that a mental strategy that I have used and could help both the sufferer and the support system is sling-shotting... enjoying the good times while they last then using the visual of these times for sustaining you until the next.
- —chigi_15
Strategies I have found...
- My husband is 32 and have PTSD (or what I believe is CPTSD) since childhood -- violence with continual abuse in all forms and a constant change in living environments. I realized that he was ill when I married him yet believed that we could resolve this. So far it is getting better though in very, very small steps, and I have yet to understand what boundaries I need to place up to get my and our children’s needs met/for our house to be a ‘safe or shit free zone’. I have in the 4 years we have been together had two boys (oldest nearly 4 and other 2) and been trying to complete a degree in Education… this I have so far taken off a year for each of my children (including my husband) as I didn’t have any emotional energy left. Living with PTSD feels like living in a domestic violence relationship and at times it is… it is very emotionally draining… I am lucky to begin to counter these effects.
- —chigi_15
Violence and Alcohol
- I suffer from PTSD and I want to say to the family members here who are faced with alcohol abuse and violence: It's awesome how many are understanding (I didn't have so much luck with most of my relatives... or friends) but don't take it too far. Alcohol is no help and it may make the anger worse. And please, please don't let yourself or your children be hit and stay, because you want to show support. Understanding and support is great but not at the cost of your own health, physical and mental, or that of your children. So starts a new trauma. It is hard to admit, because I tend to do that, but if there is someone who takes on all your burdens, it doesn't really help. all it will do is cement the status quo. Try constuctive criticism and working problems togehter, encouragement. You can find places for help, but your partner must do his own share to get better. You're worth the effort and you don't deserve to be punished for loving someone.
- —Guest Orphea
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