Using mindfulness to cope can be quite beneficial, especially when it comes to conflicts and arguments. Many people with PTSD have difficulties managing their anger. This may result in conflicts with people that you are close to and care about. Therefore, it is important to learn ways of more effectively managing conflicts so as to reduce the likelihood that relationships will be unnecessarily disrupted or hurt. One aspect of mindfulness may be particularly useful in this regard -- beginner's mind.
What is Mindfulness?
The term "mindfulness" comes from Eastern spiritual and religious traditions like Zen Buddhism. However, mental health professionals are beginning to recognize that mindfulness can have many benefits for people suffering from difficulties such as anxiety and depression.
Mindfulness refers to being completely in touch with and aware of the present moment, as well as taking a non-evaluative and non-judgmental approach to your inner experience. For example, a mindful approach to one's inner experience is simply viewing "thoughts as thoughts" as opposed to evaluating certain thoughts as positive or negative.
Beginner's Mind
One aspect of mindfulness is beginner's mind. Beginner's mind is about observing or looking at things as they truly are, as opposed to what we think they are or evaluate them to be. For example, going into a situation with a preconceived notion of how things will turn out can color your experience. This can prevent you from getting in touch with your true experience. In this way, beginner's mind can be a very useful skill to practice when it comes to arguments or conflicts with another person.
When we are in an argument with someone, we are not always responding to just that situation. We are also responding to what we think the other person is thinking or what we think the other person is trying to accomplish. For example, we may think about past arguments and how the other person responded. That is, it is common for people to engage in "mind-reading," and we may be particularly likely to do this when we know the other person we are having a conflict with.
Whenever we have a history with someone, we often assume that the person's thoughts, feelings, and behaviors are always going to be similar. This makes sense. If someone acted a certain way in the past, it is completely reasonable to assume that, in a similar situation, they are going to respond the same way. However, this may not always be the case, and sticking with this assumption can cause a conflict to go into a downward spiral.
Using beginner's mind in a situation like this can help you take a step back from your evaluations. It can allow you to respond to the situation as it truly is as opposed to your thoughts or evaluations about the situation. Beginner's mind can keep you open to new possibilities and break old habits of responding.
Practicing Beginner's Mind
Kristalyn Salters-Pedneault, Ph.D., About.com Guide to Borderline Personality Disorder, provides step-by-step instruction on how to practice beginner's mind. Try this simple exercise to increase your beginner's mind.
Source:
Roemer, L., & Orsillo, S. An Acceptance-Based Behavior Therapy for GAD. Unpublished treatment manual.
